Thursday, September 11, 2008

Sponge Bob Square Pants knows Chinese (and 20 other Cultural Surprises)

I know I haven't spoken much of the culture or area yet, that's soon to come. But here's a short list I've compiled from some immediate Culture-Shock:

1. It is impertinant to survival that there be a Tea house every 10 feet.
2. AC is not considered a luxury as much as it is a nuciance, and is largely ignored in private homes.
3. It is possibly more humid than Florida.
4. White people are not common, and its appropriate to greet them (or him...) by staring.
5. Otherwise ignore hime like a pink elephant in the room.
6. It's okay to tell your kid she's fat if its true.
7. It's okay to tell your kid she's fat if its almost true..
8. The city stinks, and everyone knows it. So they wear masks.
9. The rulse of the road are simple: "Don't hit anyone," "Don't hit anything," and [most importantly] "Don't get hit." After that, anything goes.
10. The rules for scooters are even more liberal.
11. It's common to see chicken feet served at markets.
12. Dragon Eyes are actually a seedy fruit, but they taste like they sound.
13. Night markets are a cheap hybrid of the OC Fair and the swapmeet, where Dragon Eyes and Chicken Feet are not the most bizzare foods being served.
14. 7-11s DON'T sell Green Tea Slurpies (...but they do sell slurpies.)
15. There are more car dealerships than gas stations.
16. There are more scooters than cars.
17. Bad Grammar, and "Engrish" really do exist.
Signs like: "Hi-Love Coffee Botique" and "For your good scene" and "Mr. Answer: Big Thirsty? Big Answer!"
18. The first song I heard on the radio was "Umbrella" by Rhianna. If that's not enough, it was introduced by Rick Dees. (The guy really does get around.)
19. Feist, One Republic, Led Zepplin, Everytime I die, and Miley Cirus are all under the same category at the music store: International Pop.
20. Families live together for multiple generations.
21. A surprising amount of people speak english... you just can't understand much.
22. Department Stores average to be 14-story high structures.
23. Coldstone employees sing the same songs when you tip them.
24. Goose-blood rice cakes are more of a delicacy than the pig-blood variety.
25. American movies (like "don't mess with the zohan") are still in english

Sponge Bob Square Pants Speaks Chinese.


Alison said...

Wow. I should have been in bed sooooo long ago, but I thought I'd take a peak at this before I caught my 3 hours for the night and may I just say my friend...I'm hooked. You're hilarious. Please write more.

Also, you make me want to go to Taiwan...if only for the goose-blood delicasies...

kettlebrackel said...

chase!! its Liz! this is amazing!! britt told me the other day that you went to Taiwan. i was like ... wait .. WHAT?? hahah i was like who just GOES to Taiwan?? lol well anyway keep writing, you're stuff is amazing and God Bless over there!! happy you're not at express anymore?